Memories in the Corner of My Mind (Part 3)

At the age of 20, when I thought back to the things I'd said and done in my life, the thoughts were often followed by a slap to the forehead and utter disbelief that I'd done or said something so pathetic or embarrassing (or pathetically embarrassing on a few occasions).
Some of those memories are of pitifully failed romantic overtures, others are of misguided attempts to fit in with one social group or another. Yet more of those memories are of foolish actions or ill conceived "brilliant plans" for having fun (case in point, dislocating a shoulder while going cliff jumping and preceding to go again each weekend since the shoulder went back in).

Regarding many of those memories, its easy to look back and laugh. Some are so amusing that its worth calling up an old friend and refreshing both of our memories of how it all went down. Others are memories that remain so embarrassing or painful that they remain mine alone. As much as I'd always wanted to forget those moments or, better yet, finally invent a time machine and go undo a good dozen or so of those memories.

At the age of 32, I seldom look back on those moments. Its not that those moments are any less embarrassing, its simply that they no longer hold the same significance for me and that there are so many newer memories (yes, some also pathetic or embarrassing) draw my attention.

I hope that I never forget what it was like to be hopelessly invested in someone else, to be crushed by someone else, to be so excited to be part of something. The experiences, both good and bad, engrained on our memories make us who we are. As my children grow up, they'll go through a whole range of experiences and emotions as I move further away from the similar experiences that I had. I hope to never forget how I felt in those moments, the good or bad decisions I made, the whole experience of growing up!

I want my children to know and trust me as a friend as well as a parent. I want to remember and understand what they're going through so that I can help and so that I can refrain from screaming at the top of my lungs, "what on EARTH were you thinking?" because I was once thinking (or perhaps not thinking but feeling) the same thing. Maybe I'll even share a few embarrassing stories with them.