Ways My Children Have Changed Me

This is certainly another post that's more for my kids to read later but I wanted to take a moment to share how they have changed my life.

A long, long time ago (at least 12 years ago), in a land far, far away (Wyoming actually), I was the kind of person who never planned to have children. Its not that I hated children but, I didn't have much interest in having any of my own. When Leslie and I were married, we both agreed that waiting a while before having children was a good idea; I still needed to finish college and she'd just finished and was starting work as a teacher. I didn't grow up terribly well adjusted and had a significantly low sense of self worth. A big part of that came from home and I've seen how easy it is to mess up a child. I always questioned whether any child was just better off without me as a parent.

Leslie had a lot of work to do turning around a piece of damaged goods such as myself but, somehow she managed to get me on board with having kids. When Leslie was pregnant with Haylie, I was a little worried that I wouldn't instantly have a bond with her or that I wouldn't be the father she needed or deserved.

It didn't take long after Haylie was born until she had completely changed my life. It was so incredibly easy to love her and to love having her around. Not only was she a rather easy baby to care for but it was so easy to see how much she loved and trusted us. There were many times when I could absolutely see that she'd come from heaven to live with us and those were the times when I really started to understand the responsibility I had to teach her, protect her and to make sure she knows that she is loved.

I don't believe there was ever a time I didn't love Haylie or that I didn't show her that I loved her but, she definitely prepared the way for Zander to enter our lives. Thanks to Haylie and the wonderful child she was a birth and continues to grow into, I never doubted that I'd love Zander completely.

As a second child, when Zander was born there was definitely a different dynamic in our lives than when Haylie was born. Leslie was so worried that Haylie would feel neglected or left out with the addition of another child but I was confident that she'd adjust and that we be able to love them both without issue. There's no way I considered myself a super parent but, Haylie had been so easy to bring into our lives and to care for, she taught me that we didn't need to worry about being able to care for Zander or about her ability to welcome and love her baby brother.

While they have a lot in common, its also very clear that Haylie and Zander are completely different people and have been since before they were born. I believe, with absolutely certainty, that each child grew as a person in heaven before making their way to mortality. As I've gained in understanding of that, the sense of responsibility that I feel to care for them and to love them has continued to grow.

Haylie has been such a loving sister and, while she's had a few moments of sibling jealousy, she's definitely done very well. Haylie and Zander love playing together and she has taught him so many things, its just amazing to see. Before Zander was born, Haylie and I had a lot of fun rough housing and playing games together and adding Zander to the mix has just made the games even more fun. They happily take turns when we play "crazy games" (Haylie and I have named a lot of the rough housing we do and its a bit like the olympic games at times) and they love playing together (or chasing each other) when Leslie and I are doing something else.

Watching (and helping) both of my children grow has become my greatest joy. Haylie learns things so fast and Zander has so much enthusiasm, its hard not to smile at everything they do (its even funny sometimes when its near midnight and one of them is still awake but either snuggling or chatting with us). As I write this blog posting, I'm in a hotel room in Boca Raton, FL on a work trip and am anxious to see Leslie and the kids tomorrow afternoon. I've been out of town for a week and I'm sure Leslie could use a break because, no matter how cute they are and how much we love them, a four year old and a two year old can still wear you down fast!

These days, there's a news article every week or so about some child who was abandoned, beaten or killed by a parent or step-parent and every single time I hear about something like that, it absolutely breaks my heart. I've literally cried while reading or watching the news and thinking about what those poor children have gone through. What kind of person could possibly treat a child in those ways? I am so very grateful to have Haylie and Zander in my life and am equally grateful that they've taught me to be a more compassionate and loving person. I no longer have any doubts about being a parent and I often wish I could do something to make sure every child had a safe home with parents who love them more than anything else.

Haylie and Zander - when you're old enough to read this, know that I've loved you since each of you was born and that I'll always love you both. Make sure you come give me a hug, too!

One Year in Price

Its certainly been a while since I've posted anything (not that I post much anyway) but its now been one year since we packed up our things and we moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Oh wait, we didn't move to Beverly Hills - we moved to Price, Utah.
Life certainly isn't what it was 18 months ago when we still lived in Boise, I had a good job and we'd never even heard of Price, Utah but, I can't say things are all that bad. To be honest, we miss our friends in Boise and we miss living in our own house rather than an apartment half the size but, otherwise, we're generally happy.

Here's a quick summary of our 12 months living in Price:
1) I've learned quite a bit at Emery Telcom, am very pleased with my job and have no plans of leaving it any time soon.
2) Leslie has just accepted a position as the Mont Harmon Jr High head volleyball coach for 2010. She loves volleyball and needs something interesting to do so the job should work out really well. I'm glad she'll have something else to balance out the time she spends at home with our children.
3) Haylie has completed her first year of preschool. Haylie loved going to preschool and its wonderful to see her excited about learning and making friends there.
4) Haylie is learning to read! Preschool has certainly helped but, having an elementary school teacher as a mother is moving Haylie right along in the reading department. She's already able to read many three letter words by sounding them out and can sight read larger words that she sees often.
5) Zander mastered walking right after we moved to Price and he's quite the runner now. He's getting quite good with steps as well. Watching Zander running and laughing, especially when he's chasing or being chased by his sister, is definitely a highlight for me.
6) Zander has become a chatterbox! Like everything else he's learned, it seemed like Zander was behind other kids his age (seriously - he was 9 months old before he rolled over!) and then he just really took off. At 2 years and 2 months old, Zander isn't stringing together two or three words, he's using four or five words and making whole sentences.
7) Zander and I had matching mohawks for a few days! I gave Zander a mohawk when his hair stopped being permanently easy and cute and then, after many people at church loved his but wondered where mine was, I decided it would be fun to match and buzzed my own hair.
8) We never did sell our house in Boise but at least rented it out and we don't lose nearly as much money every month.
9) We've made friends in Price and like our ward (LDS church congregation for those who don't know). There's a couple in our ward with kids the same ages as ours and we do a baby sitting swap so that each couple gets a child-free date night once a month.
10) I'm on the company softball team. Though the last time I actually played anything like it was little league (~10 years old), I'm having fun and not embarrassing the company too much. My co-workers are really nice people and we're all just out to have fun. Leslie brings the kids to practice/games and they enjoy watching but also get to play on the playground right next to the softball fields.
11) We took a short, three day family vacation with our great friends the Buhler family from Boise. We spent two days in Moab, UT and some time in Price and Ogden as well. It was GREAT to see them and get to enjoy their company again.
12) I've really gotten into mountain biking. There are a LOT of great trails around Price and I've been out two or three times a week for a while now. Spenser (Buhler) and I even did some mountain biking in Moab as part of our joint family vacation last week. Mountain biking has become so much fun that I'm preparing to sell my dirt bike and get a better bicycle.

Okay, so that wasn't a "quick" summary and I'll surely add more to it later but, I just wanted to cover some of the positive things that have happened during our time in Price.

The primary source of frustration with Price for both myself and Leslie has been housing. We would REALLY like to be living in a house of our own with enough room for all of our furniture and other belongings (rummaging through a storage unit when you need something is no fun) and we'd also like to have a fenced yard with a slide and play set for the kids.

Home prices in Boise continue to decline (some might say plummet) and selling our house for anything close to the loan value is basically impossible. That part is frustrating because we didn't over build or pay some crazy high price for a home in the first place; we build a modest size at a modest price and lived within our means. There are people who bought homes worth double and triple what they could afford and who have now defaulted on loans and been partially responsible for the drop in housing value; sometimes its feels like we're being punished for the irresponsibility of others.

The flip side of the situation is that home prices (I won't say "value") in Price, UT are higher than they should be. 50 and 60 year old homes in dis-repair are costing more than really nice 2 year old homes in Boise. Its been EXTREMELY frustrating for us to view homes that are priced at the top of our range and would still need tens of thousands of dollars for upgrades and repairs. We're just not willing to pay more for a fixer upper than it would cost to build a new home. We've opted to build our savings until we can afford the 20% down payment required to get a construction loan and build our own home. It means a second year in the apartment but, a good apartment you can move out of beats buying a bad home you'll be stuck in!

Well, I suppose that about sums up our first year in Price, UT. I'm in Florida for training this week and have some time to kill in the evenings so expect a few more posts this week.

Things I love about age 4 and age 1 3/4.

Last night, I just had a great evening playing with Haylie and Zander while Leslie was off playing volleyball. The kids and I quite often have a lot of fun playing together but some of their behavior from last night got me thinking about what I love about Haylie as a four year old and Zander as a nearly two year old.


Haylie as a four year old:
1) She's quite the conversationalist. Haylie and I can just chat about things.
2) She probably asks more questions than a police detective, news reporter and game show host combined but, Haylie absolutely soaks in information and knows so much that it's a constant surprise. There are times when you water down an answer for children to understand - sometimes Haylie will correct you and give you a more detailed answer.
3) Haylie shares well with Zander. She not only lets him play with her toys (and his own because she likes his toys too), she actually plays with him and even invites him to play along with her.
4) She loves a good character. For the last two years, Haylie has asked me to be the voice of various toys or to simply "make him say something." Frankly, I'm weird and so the voices and personalities I've give the toys are a bit out there but she loves it. "Mom-Connery," the Sean Connery voiced mother bird comes to mind.
5) Basic skills like getting dressed, putting on shoes, going potty alone, and cleaning up the mess you've made can be pretty under-rated until you're constantly doing those things for someone else. Haylie has mastered a lot of those skills taken for granted and its just great to realize that she can do so much without even being asked now.


Zander as a nearly two year old:
1) He likes to help. Sure, it's not very efficient (and mildly annoying) to have Zander "washing" the dishes sometimes but its just cute when he hears the water running and he starts pushing a chair over to climb up and help out. Zander also likes to help clean up the toys, dust off the television stand and any other chore he sees you doing.
2) Zander is obedient. By no means does he always do what you ask but, he's excited to go get a diaper, put his pacifier and blanket away, get a tissue, put garbage in the can, etc.
3) The Z-Man is really getting into a learning stage. He sees what everyone around him is doing and is quick to figure it out on his own. Its great seeing how excited he gets with the realization that he can do so many things like brushing his teeth, zipping his coat and eating with a fork. Its even great to see him try things he can't do like putting on his own shoes.
4) He's talking more each day. There are many kids who talk more than Zander at his age but, he's talking a lot lately (and in two and three word phrases) and its just plain cute. He's even added some counting and we've heard "seven, eight, nine" after we've said "six"; he has a few of the teens in the right order too. A few of his common words and phrases are 'don't want it', 'thank you', and my personal favorite... "cycle!"
5) That brings us to Zander's love of motorcycles. When Zander sees a motorcycle on the street, on television or in a picture, he yells out "CYCLE!" He enjoys sitting on my motorcycles and making engine noises. Haylie still likes the idea of motorcycles because I like them but she's not a fan of noise... Zander even loves the noise.

Of course, its not all joy with two small children. Four year old Haylie has some MAJOR meltdowns at times when she's tired and doesn't get her way or when she makes a mistake coloring or drawing (and sometimes when she's not even tired). She still possesses the anti-superpower of "inverse urgency" which causes her slowness to be directly opposite of your need for her to hurry. Zander is rather stubborn about meals lately and seems determined to eat ANYTHING but what we're all having. Zander has also learned to throw a tantrum by watching his big sister - sometimes an example isn't what you'd hope for.

All in all, I love both of my kids (and their mother who has to suffer through far more of their tantrums than I do) and am sure that, even when they've moved on from these stages, they'll continuing growing into great people that I love spending time with.

Get a haircut and get a real job!

Does anyone still get a reference to "Get a Haircut" by George Thorogood & The Destroyers (circa 1993)? Well, regardless of whether you get the reference or not, I wanted to provide an update on how my job is going.

I've been a Network Technician with Emery Telcom for almost five months now and, at this point, I still like the job, my co-workers and the opportunity to learn new things and enjoy some task variety. Since my last blog post (yikes, its been a while), I've been to two training sessions. Once to Sunnyvale, CA (silicon valley) for training on the Cisco Cable Modem Termination System (CMTS) and once to Boca Raton, FL for training on the MetaSwitch telephone switch that we use.

Regardless of what technology I'm dealing with, especially since most people neither know nor care about the specifics (at least that's what Leslie tells me though it sounds more like "would you please shut up? I don't care what that is"), I genuinely enjoy learning new things and especially enjoy having some responsibility in both technical and business aspects.

In addition to the cable modem system and phone switch I've also been working with monitoring and alarming equipment, server installations, battery replacements (yesterday, I replaced 20 batteries at about 100 lbs each) and a variety of other stuff. I (almost) always liked working for XL Cable doing electronics setup/tuning in cable systems because I got to use my brain, do some physical work and have some sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. While I'm still not GLAD I was laid off from my last job, I really didn't have any task variety, it was boring and I pretty much never had a sense of accomplishment or challenge and so I'm very glad to have the opposite situation now with Emery Telcom.

Price, UT still isn't as nice as Boise, ID and we've not yet managed to sell our home there (ugh - making payments on a house you don't live in plus paying rent on a place much smaller and not nearly as nice isn't fun) but its working out here. I enjoy going to work each day, I get some overtime that helps (slightly) make up for the drop in salary and our family is doing well (the kids don't really care where we are and Leslie seems to deal with it okay).

To ensure that this isn't an entirely boring blog post, I'll also share with you that my two training trips haven't been without a little fun. I had the chance to go running in both California and Florida (including running on the beach in Florida), tired In'N'Out Burger for the first time in California and then went snorkeling in Florida. The highlight of the Florida trip was definitely being stung by a jellyfish as I swam out from shore. A stinging/burning sensation for 45 minutes or so when it happened, followed by a RAGING headache the next day were the only side effects but I didn't let it ruin the fun and got to see tropical fish, a stingray, a lot more jellyfish and some pieces of a shipwreck. And no, there was no peeing on my arm to make the sting go away.

I just took my fatness for some fitness... and you should too!

I just took my fatness for some fitness and you should too. Well, you don't have to take MY fatness for some fitness but you should take your own.

So far this week, I've been running five days in a row and I'll be doing day six tomorrow. That shouldn't be a major feat but, I've really been slacking since I was laid off in March. In February of 2008, I weighed in at 229 lbs - I've got to make sure I don't let that happen again.

The History of My Fatness

I've been heavy all of my life with varying degrees of success in dealing with it. At the end of middle school, I got a job working at a lumber yard and spent the first two weeks of each summer shoveling horse manure for 8 hours a day(if you're ever looking for a job to brag about, shoveling wet horse poop all day is definitely the way to go) . That first summer, I also rode a ten speed bicycle 12 to 24 miles a day two or three times each week and managed to enter high school a bit thinner but certainly still heavier than I could have been. The next summer (between 9th & 10th grade), I again rode my bike several times a week and managed to stay in decent shape.

In the 9th grade, I gave the track team a try as a shot putter. I didn't run at all but ended up running the 800m (1/2 mile) at two races just so that I could go to the regional meet for the sake of the trip. You know you're a great shot putter when its suggested that you'll have a better chance getting to the regional meet as a ~170 lb kid doing a half mile sprint! The first time I ran the 800, I actually led the first lap and then "hit the wall" so bad I wanted to die or throw up (or die while throwing up since that worked out so well for Jimmy Hendrix) but at the end of the race, I had a huge endorphin rush and felt like Superman (assuming Superman ever had a moment when he was just happy to not be lying on the ground inhaling his own vomit) so it wasn't all bad.

At the start of 10th grade, my friend Raymond talked me into giving Cross Country a try. I'm still surprised that I tried it - or that I was dumb enough to do a 5k run on the first day in hiking style tennis shoes rather than actual running shoes. I also sat down and took a long break after the run and then was close to never walking again because I cramped up so bad!! You know what though? Aside from the horrific leg pain for three days after, I actually kind of enjoyed it. I ran (or you could say jogged if you compared my times with those of fast runners) cross country for three years after that. One of the few things I'm grateful for in regards to attending a small high school was that there weren't enough people who thought running eight miles a day and finishing where you started was so much fun that I wouldn't have a spot on the team.

I enjoyed cross country practice much more than the races. Once I was in pretty good shape, it was GREAT to do an eight mile run with friends and hold a conversation for most of it. At one point, I did a 14 mile run on my own carrying a walkman (yeah - portable TAPE player!) and absolutely loved it. So did I get 'skinny' during cross country? Nope! I was still ~180 lbs despite doing distance runs four or five days a week plus 5k races once a week.

After high school, I continued running off and on but also spent a summer building power lines in the middle of nowhere Montana. Doing manual labor for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week with no snacks or junk food nearby can get a man in shape!! During my early college years, I rollerbladed five to ten miles a night, three days a week. At 21 years old, I weight 182 lbs and pants with a 32" waist were actually loose on me. So what the heck happened??!!

Letting It All Go & Getting It Back

Like pretty much everyone, I often let "life" get in the way of getting regular exercise or doing other things that are good for me. Sometimes, you just think you're too busy to exercise or you tell yourself you'll get around to it later. Since getting married, I've worked, I've finished college and I've worked some more. I've cycled through times of running and lifting weights regularly and getting "back in shape" but my weight clearly trended upwards.

Last February, when I saw 229 on the scale and saw myself in the mirror, I was pretty disgusted. I don't like seeing myself nude - I feel sorry for my wife when she has to see me nude! I got a gym membership and started lifting weights and hitting the treadmill (by the way - I killed a few treadmills while working out at BSU several years ago - treadmills don't like it when beefy guys run faster than an 8 minute mile for a few miles). When summer hit, I started riding my bike more and then in the fall, I got back into running on a regular basis and did a 5k on January 1st and managed sub 8 minute miles!

Was it always pleasant to go running or lift weights? No. Did I always feel like getting off my butt and going? No. Did I feel 200 times better for having done it? ABSOLUTELY!! When running at 229 lbs was miserable, I thought about how much easier it would be without the extra pounds. In February of 2009, I was doing 6 mile runs at an 8 minute pace and ENJOYING it again!! I kept thinking to myself, "WHY THE HECK DID I LET MYSELF GO SO BAD BEFORE?" After going through so many cycles of getting in shape and then slacking off and letting myself go again, I'm still amazed that I don't permanently learn my lesson!

I got down to 198 lbs but the layoff in March was a SERIOUS de-motivator! I didn't work out much for three months and, after moving to Price, I had to start over again with getting back in to exercise. I only gained five pounds but certainly lost some muscle and definitely lost some conditioning. Luckily, its been a pretty easy road getting back to running again and so now, this blog is a reminder to ME and to YOU that.... STAYING IN SHAPE IS MUCH EASIER THAN GETTING IN SHAPE!!

Get Off The Couch!!

If you're not exercising on a regular basis, START DOING IT! If you are exercising regularly, KEEP DOING IT!! I always feel so much better when I'm exercising regularly and its also a great way to ensure that I'll be around to see my kids growing up and I'll even be able to participate in their lives. Leslie has been either running or following along to an exercise video a few days a week lately and I'm proud of her - she'll be ready to keep up with the kids too and in the meantime... Hey Baby (wink wink, suggestive eyebrow raise).

I have a goal - and you should have one too!! At 21, I weighed 182 lbs and could go enjoy a five mile run without wheezing, cramping or vomiting. I turn 31 in February of 2010 and I will weight 182 lbs or less and be able to go enjoy a five mile run without the aforementioned wheezing, cramping or vomiting. I have another goal - I'm going to teach my children the value of exercise and teach them to enjoy it by being involved in their activities and participating with them (yeah, I'll be the freakishly tall 'kid' playing short-stop on the T-Ball team!).

Blood, Urine and Red Wine --- We Got a New Bed!!

After ditching our nine year old king size bed (via a trip to the dump) prior to our move from Boise to Price, we've been sleeping on a futon for the last month. Sure, its a quality futon mattress that has springs and supports you well enough that you never feel a futon bar but, its still not a real bed and isn't the most comfortable thing in the world.

For the last month, my pickup, along with my dirt bike and enough other stuff to fill a 5' x 8' trailer and the pickup box have been sitting in Boise. We made a retrieval trip over the 4th of July and with the truck now here, we were able to make the trip to the SLC area for a mattress purchase.

We opted for Denver Mattress Company based primarily on the availability of reputable mattresses that don't cost over $2000. We didn't have much difficulty finding a comfortable bed (and at $500 for a queen size, it fit our budget well too) but we also invested in the Value Pack which includes two pillows, a mattress pad and a bed care and cleaner kit. And just what is the bed care and cleaner kit good for you ask? It includes a protectant spray but also includes a cleaner that's great for blood, urine and red wine. Blood, urine, and red wine?? I went to college and was in a fraternity during my time at UWyo but I still had to ask... what kind of night did you have when its time to clean blood, urine and red wine from your mattress?

And if you think our salesman was the only one enjoying our presence, you're mistaken. I flopped down on the right side of one mattress that already had another salesman sitting on the left side. I let him know I was setting up for a snuggle and even rolled over but apparently he wasn't interested in a good spooning. Oh well, his loss.

Regardless of whatever Hunter S. Thompson'esque adventures the salesmen at Denver Mattress Co embark on (though obviously the non-spooning prude isn't in on those), we're happy to have a real bed again and to now be fully moved in to our rental in Price.

Will it stop raining so that I can ride?

Odd - I'm pretty sure I just moved to the desert and yet its been raining daily for two weeks. I'd REALLY like it to dry out for a while so that I have a good chance to go ride my motorcycle and mountain bike. I still need to find good places to ride each but I have a Spaceballs derived plan for that: COMB THE DESERT!
Apparently, there are some good mountain bike trails north of town so when I'm physically fit enough to ride up a hill, I should have a good time of it. Some co-workers have recommended Huntington Canyon as a good place to find twisty mountain roads fit for a motorcycle so I'll have to give that a try. Two guys at work ride Harley 883 Sportsters so I suppose I can put aside my "Hardley" prejudice and hit them up about a ride or two.
Next week, we're making a trip to Boise to grab the last of our stuff along with my truck and dirt bike so there will be one more two wheeled grin maker that needs put to use. One thing Price is NOT short of though is DIRT and HILLS for doing some trail riding, hill climbing, jumping, etc. I can pretty much just ride across the street for some dirt bike action but the hospital is across town so I'll have to take it easy for a while since I haven't done a dirt ride since late last fall (and I crashed pretty sweet then).