Ways My Children Have Changed Me

This is certainly another post that's more for my kids to read later but I wanted to take a moment to share how they have changed my life.

A long, long time ago (at least 12 years ago), in a land far, far away (Wyoming actually), I was the kind of person who never planned to have children. Its not that I hated children but, I didn't have much interest in having any of my own. When Leslie and I were married, we both agreed that waiting a while before having children was a good idea; I still needed to finish college and she'd just finished and was starting work as a teacher. I didn't grow up terribly well adjusted and had a significantly low sense of self worth. A big part of that came from home and I've seen how easy it is to mess up a child. I always questioned whether any child was just better off without me as a parent.

Leslie had a lot of work to do turning around a piece of damaged goods such as myself but, somehow she managed to get me on board with having kids. When Leslie was pregnant with Haylie, I was a little worried that I wouldn't instantly have a bond with her or that I wouldn't be the father she needed or deserved.

It didn't take long after Haylie was born until she had completely changed my life. It was so incredibly easy to love her and to love having her around. Not only was she a rather easy baby to care for but it was so easy to see how much she loved and trusted us. There were many times when I could absolutely see that she'd come from heaven to live with us and those were the times when I really started to understand the responsibility I had to teach her, protect her and to make sure she knows that she is loved.

I don't believe there was ever a time I didn't love Haylie or that I didn't show her that I loved her but, she definitely prepared the way for Zander to enter our lives. Thanks to Haylie and the wonderful child she was a birth and continues to grow into, I never doubted that I'd love Zander completely.

As a second child, when Zander was born there was definitely a different dynamic in our lives than when Haylie was born. Leslie was so worried that Haylie would feel neglected or left out with the addition of another child but I was confident that she'd adjust and that we be able to love them both without issue. There's no way I considered myself a super parent but, Haylie had been so easy to bring into our lives and to care for, she taught me that we didn't need to worry about being able to care for Zander or about her ability to welcome and love her baby brother.

While they have a lot in common, its also very clear that Haylie and Zander are completely different people and have been since before they were born. I believe, with absolutely certainty, that each child grew as a person in heaven before making their way to mortality. As I've gained in understanding of that, the sense of responsibility that I feel to care for them and to love them has continued to grow.

Haylie has been such a loving sister and, while she's had a few moments of sibling jealousy, she's definitely done very well. Haylie and Zander love playing together and she has taught him so many things, its just amazing to see. Before Zander was born, Haylie and I had a lot of fun rough housing and playing games together and adding Zander to the mix has just made the games even more fun. They happily take turns when we play "crazy games" (Haylie and I have named a lot of the rough housing we do and its a bit like the olympic games at times) and they love playing together (or chasing each other) when Leslie and I are doing something else.

Watching (and helping) both of my children grow has become my greatest joy. Haylie learns things so fast and Zander has so much enthusiasm, its hard not to smile at everything they do (its even funny sometimes when its near midnight and one of them is still awake but either snuggling or chatting with us). As I write this blog posting, I'm in a hotel room in Boca Raton, FL on a work trip and am anxious to see Leslie and the kids tomorrow afternoon. I've been out of town for a week and I'm sure Leslie could use a break because, no matter how cute they are and how much we love them, a four year old and a two year old can still wear you down fast!

These days, there's a news article every week or so about some child who was abandoned, beaten or killed by a parent or step-parent and every single time I hear about something like that, it absolutely breaks my heart. I've literally cried while reading or watching the news and thinking about what those poor children have gone through. What kind of person could possibly treat a child in those ways? I am so very grateful to have Haylie and Zander in my life and am equally grateful that they've taught me to be a more compassionate and loving person. I no longer have any doubts about being a parent and I often wish I could do something to make sure every child had a safe home with parents who love them more than anything else.

Haylie and Zander - when you're old enough to read this, know that I've loved you since each of you was born and that I'll always love you both. Make sure you come give me a hug, too!

One Year in Price

Its certainly been a while since I've posted anything (not that I post much anyway) but its now been one year since we packed up our things and we moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Oh wait, we didn't move to Beverly Hills - we moved to Price, Utah.
Life certainly isn't what it was 18 months ago when we still lived in Boise, I had a good job and we'd never even heard of Price, Utah but, I can't say things are all that bad. To be honest, we miss our friends in Boise and we miss living in our own house rather than an apartment half the size but, otherwise, we're generally happy.

Here's a quick summary of our 12 months living in Price:
1) I've learned quite a bit at Emery Telcom, am very pleased with my job and have no plans of leaving it any time soon.
2) Leslie has just accepted a position as the Mont Harmon Jr High head volleyball coach for 2010. She loves volleyball and needs something interesting to do so the job should work out really well. I'm glad she'll have something else to balance out the time she spends at home with our children.
3) Haylie has completed her first year of preschool. Haylie loved going to preschool and its wonderful to see her excited about learning and making friends there.
4) Haylie is learning to read! Preschool has certainly helped but, having an elementary school teacher as a mother is moving Haylie right along in the reading department. She's already able to read many three letter words by sounding them out and can sight read larger words that she sees often.
5) Zander mastered walking right after we moved to Price and he's quite the runner now. He's getting quite good with steps as well. Watching Zander running and laughing, especially when he's chasing or being chased by his sister, is definitely a highlight for me.
6) Zander has become a chatterbox! Like everything else he's learned, it seemed like Zander was behind other kids his age (seriously - he was 9 months old before he rolled over!) and then he just really took off. At 2 years and 2 months old, Zander isn't stringing together two or three words, he's using four or five words and making whole sentences.
7) Zander and I had matching mohawks for a few days! I gave Zander a mohawk when his hair stopped being permanently easy and cute and then, after many people at church loved his but wondered where mine was, I decided it would be fun to match and buzzed my own hair.
8) We never did sell our house in Boise but at least rented it out and we don't lose nearly as much money every month.
9) We've made friends in Price and like our ward (LDS church congregation for those who don't know). There's a couple in our ward with kids the same ages as ours and we do a baby sitting swap so that each couple gets a child-free date night once a month.
10) I'm on the company softball team. Though the last time I actually played anything like it was little league (~10 years old), I'm having fun and not embarrassing the company too much. My co-workers are really nice people and we're all just out to have fun. Leslie brings the kids to practice/games and they enjoy watching but also get to play on the playground right next to the softball fields.
11) We took a short, three day family vacation with our great friends the Buhler family from Boise. We spent two days in Moab, UT and some time in Price and Ogden as well. It was GREAT to see them and get to enjoy their company again.
12) I've really gotten into mountain biking. There are a LOT of great trails around Price and I've been out two or three times a week for a while now. Spenser (Buhler) and I even did some mountain biking in Moab as part of our joint family vacation last week. Mountain biking has become so much fun that I'm preparing to sell my dirt bike and get a better bicycle.

Okay, so that wasn't a "quick" summary and I'll surely add more to it later but, I just wanted to cover some of the positive things that have happened during our time in Price.

The primary source of frustration with Price for both myself and Leslie has been housing. We would REALLY like to be living in a house of our own with enough room for all of our furniture and other belongings (rummaging through a storage unit when you need something is no fun) and we'd also like to have a fenced yard with a slide and play set for the kids.

Home prices in Boise continue to decline (some might say plummet) and selling our house for anything close to the loan value is basically impossible. That part is frustrating because we didn't over build or pay some crazy high price for a home in the first place; we build a modest size at a modest price and lived within our means. There are people who bought homes worth double and triple what they could afford and who have now defaulted on loans and been partially responsible for the drop in housing value; sometimes its feels like we're being punished for the irresponsibility of others.

The flip side of the situation is that home prices (I won't say "value") in Price, UT are higher than they should be. 50 and 60 year old homes in dis-repair are costing more than really nice 2 year old homes in Boise. Its been EXTREMELY frustrating for us to view homes that are priced at the top of our range and would still need tens of thousands of dollars for upgrades and repairs. We're just not willing to pay more for a fixer upper than it would cost to build a new home. We've opted to build our savings until we can afford the 20% down payment required to get a construction loan and build our own home. It means a second year in the apartment but, a good apartment you can move out of beats buying a bad home you'll be stuck in!

Well, I suppose that about sums up our first year in Price, UT. I'm in Florida for training this week and have some time to kill in the evenings so expect a few more posts this week.

Things I love about age 4 and age 1 3/4.

Last night, I just had a great evening playing with Haylie and Zander while Leslie was off playing volleyball. The kids and I quite often have a lot of fun playing together but some of their behavior from last night got me thinking about what I love about Haylie as a four year old and Zander as a nearly two year old.


Haylie as a four year old:
1) She's quite the conversationalist. Haylie and I can just chat about things.
2) She probably asks more questions than a police detective, news reporter and game show host combined but, Haylie absolutely soaks in information and knows so much that it's a constant surprise. There are times when you water down an answer for children to understand - sometimes Haylie will correct you and give you a more detailed answer.
3) Haylie shares well with Zander. She not only lets him play with her toys (and his own because she likes his toys too), she actually plays with him and even invites him to play along with her.
4) She loves a good character. For the last two years, Haylie has asked me to be the voice of various toys or to simply "make him say something." Frankly, I'm weird and so the voices and personalities I've give the toys are a bit out there but she loves it. "Mom-Connery," the Sean Connery voiced mother bird comes to mind.
5) Basic skills like getting dressed, putting on shoes, going potty alone, and cleaning up the mess you've made can be pretty under-rated until you're constantly doing those things for someone else. Haylie has mastered a lot of those skills taken for granted and its just great to realize that she can do so much without even being asked now.


Zander as a nearly two year old:
1) He likes to help. Sure, it's not very efficient (and mildly annoying) to have Zander "washing" the dishes sometimes but its just cute when he hears the water running and he starts pushing a chair over to climb up and help out. Zander also likes to help clean up the toys, dust off the television stand and any other chore he sees you doing.
2) Zander is obedient. By no means does he always do what you ask but, he's excited to go get a diaper, put his pacifier and blanket away, get a tissue, put garbage in the can, etc.
3) The Z-Man is really getting into a learning stage. He sees what everyone around him is doing and is quick to figure it out on his own. Its great seeing how excited he gets with the realization that he can do so many things like brushing his teeth, zipping his coat and eating with a fork. Its even great to see him try things he can't do like putting on his own shoes.
4) He's talking more each day. There are many kids who talk more than Zander at his age but, he's talking a lot lately (and in two and three word phrases) and its just plain cute. He's even added some counting and we've heard "seven, eight, nine" after we've said "six"; he has a few of the teens in the right order too. A few of his common words and phrases are 'don't want it', 'thank you', and my personal favorite... "cycle!"
5) That brings us to Zander's love of motorcycles. When Zander sees a motorcycle on the street, on television or in a picture, he yells out "CYCLE!" He enjoys sitting on my motorcycles and making engine noises. Haylie still likes the idea of motorcycles because I like them but she's not a fan of noise... Zander even loves the noise.

Of course, its not all joy with two small children. Four year old Haylie has some MAJOR meltdowns at times when she's tired and doesn't get her way or when she makes a mistake coloring or drawing (and sometimes when she's not even tired). She still possesses the anti-superpower of "inverse urgency" which causes her slowness to be directly opposite of your need for her to hurry. Zander is rather stubborn about meals lately and seems determined to eat ANYTHING but what we're all having. Zander has also learned to throw a tantrum by watching his big sister - sometimes an example isn't what you'd hope for.

All in all, I love both of my kids (and their mother who has to suffer through far more of their tantrums than I do) and am sure that, even when they've moved on from these stages, they'll continuing growing into great people that I love spending time with.