Memories in the Corner of My Mind (Part 3)

At the age of 20, when I thought back to the things I'd said and done in my life, the thoughts were often followed by a slap to the forehead and utter disbelief that I'd done or said something so pathetic or embarrassing (or pathetically embarrassing on a few occasions).
Some of those memories are of pitifully failed romantic overtures, others are of misguided attempts to fit in with one social group or another. Yet more of those memories are of foolish actions or ill conceived "brilliant plans" for having fun (case in point, dislocating a shoulder while going cliff jumping and preceding to go again each weekend since the shoulder went back in).

Regarding many of those memories, its easy to look back and laugh. Some are so amusing that its worth calling up an old friend and refreshing both of our memories of how it all went down. Others are memories that remain so embarrassing or painful that they remain mine alone. As much as I'd always wanted to forget those moments or, better yet, finally invent a time machine and go undo a good dozen or so of those memories.

At the age of 32, I seldom look back on those moments. Its not that those moments are any less embarrassing, its simply that they no longer hold the same significance for me and that there are so many newer memories (yes, some also pathetic or embarrassing) draw my attention.

I hope that I never forget what it was like to be hopelessly invested in someone else, to be crushed by someone else, to be so excited to be part of something. The experiences, both good and bad, engrained on our memories make us who we are. As my children grow up, they'll go through a whole range of experiences and emotions as I move further away from the similar experiences that I had. I hope to never forget how I felt in those moments, the good or bad decisions I made, the whole experience of growing up!

I want my children to know and trust me as a friend as well as a parent. I want to remember and understand what they're going through so that I can help and so that I can refrain from screaming at the top of my lungs, "what on EARTH were you thinking?" because I was once thinking (or perhaps not thinking but feeling) the same thing. Maybe I'll even share a few embarrassing stories with them.

Memories in the Corner of My Mind (Part 2)

When you're young, you remember everything like it was yesterday. Well, when you're 12 years old, it practically was yesterday. When you're 16, there's still not a lot jammed in the ol' noggin and when you're 18, you basically don't care what you remember because there are more important things to worry about like graduating from high school and moving out.

While it may not be scientifically proven, I've always felt there's a finite amount of space in my cranium and, as new things are added, some things just have to go. The lyrics to that "Bat Out of Hell 2" album by Meatloaf were thankfully on the list of things that went.

There are some things that just don't fade over time the way the rest of it does though. For me, at least, a strong emotional response really duct tapes a memory to the inside of my skull. It has to be something more specific than just being really happy or sad for a memory to stick like glue, though.

At 32 years old, I remember parts of the move (including the Greyhound bus ride) from Pennsylvania to Wyoming at age 3; going with my parents to see a house at age 5 and then not wanting to move into it because I'd be starting kindergarten in a different town.
Unfortunately, I also remember when my parents nearly divorced and when I cried at my best friends house because we'd be moving away.

I remember spending time with my grandmother, helping her garden or cook, helping to clean and just spending time with her. Oh no - I just remembered sleeping over at her home and being a huge fan of New Kids on the Block - I guess that ties into part 1 of this post.

Naturally, I remember the first time I SAW my first car, before I'd even purchased it and I remember the excitement of my first night in a college dorm and the completely random and funny things that happened pretty much non stop for the first two months of being out on my own.

Leslie (the woman I remember marrying 10 1/2 years ago) has a much better memory of specific dates, events, etc and so I hope she'll forgive me when I one day forget our anniversary but remember flirting with her during a parade float build and then later asking her out by placing a rose and note reading "for a good time call ....." (with a phone number but no name) on her windshield.

Memories in the Corner of My Mind (Part 1)

While driving home from the office late tonight, "The Freshman" by The Verve Pipe was playing on the radio and I started thinking of the past for two reasons.
1) The song speaks of the naivety of youth, consequences and accountability.
2) I strongly associate music with events or periods in my life.

Generally speaking, everyone associates a type or style of music to a time period or era and then ties that a stage of their life. I tend to take that a step further, and perhaps most people do, by associating specific songs to specific events, trials or emotional impacts in my life.

Thankfully, I wasn't alive during the Disco craze but I do have serious regrets about owning Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell 2" album though I have no shame regarding the MC Hammer or Ace of Base albums.

There is either a specific song or specific album tied to the memory of every girl I hopelessly pined for throughout middle school and high school.
There's a theme song to each great adventure or trip with friends.
Better than Ezra's "Good" directly associates to spending three weeks at a gifted and talented summer camp and finally meeting new people and making friends without past stigmas or bullies holding me back.
Duncan Sheik's "In the Absence of Sun" marked the end of high school (the day after the senior "lock in" over night activity actually) and absolutely cuts to the realization that I'd never actually taken the risk and told someone how I felt about her and that the opportunity was now gone.
The band Cake kept me grooving through late night studying and projects as I finished the last semester of college at Boise State.
There's a Bad Religion album for the day I was laid off from my job at URS in 2009.
Rammstein's "Du Hast" marks visiting Bryan Tipton and other friends in Powell, WY during my sophomore year of college but Rammstein's "Mein Herz brennt" represents motorcycle rides between Idaho City and Lowman, ID.
The list goes on...

Its rather amazing how a certain song can bring back such vivid memories or even just the simple associations. Occasionally, the lyrics relate to event or emotion but more often, its just something I happened to be listening to when those memories were made.